Whenever I give a talk on Courtship and Dating to high school and college students, I often start by asking them how they can tell that they are in love. "How do you know you're in love?" This question never fails to elicit giggles and dreamy sighs from the audience. Obviously, almost everyone of them is or has already been in love. Yes, we are all familiar with that warm, fuzzy feeling we wish would never have to go away. Maybe we have experienced it in our own relationships, whether real or imagined, or even just from watching The Notebook or Titanic. Okay, so now you know what exactly I'm talking about.
It's infatuation, young love, the state of being in love, or simply: romantic love. It's a nice feeling, yes. And when kept under control, it could actually be a good thing. It can inspire us to do well in school or at work and even push us to be the best person we can be. After all, love is supposed to bring out the best in us, right? However, if not managed well, these romantic feelings could be both distractive and destructive, leaving you and your heart in ruins.
The good news is, although heartaches and heartbreaks are inevitable when you truly love, you can avoid the ones that have nothing to do with true love by distinguishing between Real Love and mere infatuation. So to keep ourselves in touch with reality, it would be helpful to know what science has to say about romantic love.
Apparently, the state of being in love is almost no different from experiencing the high that a person normally gets from taking drugs. In a research conducted by Rutgers University anthropologist Helen E. Fisher, PhD, she used brain-imaging technology to observe the brain activity of several wildly infatuated people and found an overproduction of the potent brain chemical, dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter best known for its ability to initiate muscle movement and also for its role in addiction. But this time, Dr. Fisher's research suggests that this neurochemical also has a similarly important role in triggering the blissfully obsessive nature of romantic love. In Psychology Today, Dr. Fisher says, "infatuation had some of the same elements of a cocaine high" and that it "can overtake the rational parts of your brain." No wonder Princess Anna immediately accepted the marriage proposal of Prince Hans right on the first day they met! She obviously wasn't in her right mind! And science is clearly on Elsa's side on this one.
Other symptoms of infatuation specifically mentioned by Dr. Fisher are, "sleeplessness, loss of a sense of time, and absolute focus on love to the detriment of all around you". But really, when you're in love, you don't mind all these at all, right? I remember myself posting as my Facebook status when I was so infatuated with my then-suitor-and-now-boyfriend, "'Di bale nang antok, puyat, at gutom, basta't in love." ["Never mind hunger and lack of sleep; love is all that matters"'] (followed by in love emoticon) Thank God I didn't get ill from all those sleepless nights and loss of appetite. You see, I have this theory that when you're in love, your immune system also gets stronger. Ha, ha! I hope Dr. Fisher could do a research on that next time. I did start to get pimples though.
I'm not saying we should deny our feelings of romantic love, but we should not ignore reason, either. We could actually use our reason to temper our emotions because the danger in infatuation is that it is often fueled by fantasy-- you know, like, imagining your wedding day with this guy you hardly know, thinking of your future kids' names and which school they would go to, but on second thought, maybe you will just homeschool them. Just hold it right there! Now quickly check if your excitement is proportionate to the facts at hand. And then go on and enjoy the friendship (or whatever you have right now) and remember that Real Love is so much more than just "kilig," butterflies in the stomach, melting hearts, or strong feelings. Stay in love if you will, but stay realistic at the same time. Good luck!
This is so true! That's why we must also listen to what our family and friends say when it comes to our romantic relationships/love interests. Because they must be seeing something that we don't because of our clouded judgment.
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